When people hear “self-leadership,” it can sound far too broad. In a recent workshop session run by Philippa Richardson, it landed in a very grounded way:
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Accountability to your own standards (not just the standards you set for others)
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Self-awareness, how you show up, especially when things feel tense or unclear
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Emotional regulation, staying composed enough to think, communicate, and decide well
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Purpose, knowing what’s driving you, so you don’t lose your way when things get messy
A simple way to think about it is this: self-leadership is the foundation that makes leadership repeatable. Not just on good days, but on the tough ones too.
What derails self-leadership (and why it’s usually predictable)
What surfaced was what most SME leaders already know: stress comes from unexpected events, shifting priorities, people dynamics, and constant interruptions. But a more useful insight emerged quickly: It’s not always the situation that derails you, rather it’s the automatic reaction your nervous system reaches for. That matters because if you can spot your default reaction early, you can interrupt it before it costs you, whether that cost is a tense relationship, a poor decision, or a moment you regret.
Beyond “fight or flight”: the stress responses leaders fall into
Most of us know the phrase fight or flight. In practice, work stress often looks a bit different with a wider set of common stress patterns business leaders experience, such as:
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People-pleasing / appeasing: saying yes too quickly, trying to keep everyone happy, avoiding disagreement
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Over-performing: working harder, pushing more, “proving yourself” instead of solving the actual problem
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Fight: snapping, becoming overly direct, defensiveness, tension, “me vs the world” energy
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Flight: avoidance, overthinking, restlessness, busywork, trying to escape the discomfort
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Freeze: blank mind, zoning out, fogginess—especially when you feel put on the spot
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Shutdown: low energy, numbness, a sense of heaviness when overwhelm has built up over time
The value in naming these isn’t to label yourself. It’s to build awareness. Because once you can see the pattern, you can start to change the outcome.
The practical shift: moving from reaction to choice
Asking or telling yourself to magically become calmer or “handle stress better”, it impractical and helps no one, let alone the one under it. Instead, Phillip suggested to focus on building one key micro-skill: creating a pause between trigger and response. That pause is where better business leadership happens. It’s where you stop reacting automatically and start responding deliberately. And it matters because in an SME, your response sets tone. Your response influences culture. Your response affects decision-making speed and quality.
Why this matters for future SME business leaders
Self-leadership isn’t a “nice-to-have” wellbeing topic. In SMEs, it directly impacts performance. When leaders can regulate themselves under pressure, they:
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communicate more clearly
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handle conflict sooner (and better)
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make decisions with less noise and emotion
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set a steadier tone for the team
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build trust faster, because they’re consistent
This is exactly the kind of capability mySMEleader is designed to build, practical, SME-specific learning, delivered in a way that fits real schedules, with immediate application back into the workplace.
